Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
