i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
