3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
