She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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