ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
