i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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