i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize