I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
