If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
