He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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