Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize