my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
