It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
