I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
