the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
