i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
