So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
