oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
