So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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