i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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