I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
