Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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