well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
