I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
