so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
