Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
