omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
