the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
