Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
