worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He felt like a one man threesome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
