Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
