If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize