Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
