The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
