love makes seman taste better
i will never coherently bang her
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize