i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
