worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
