You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
