Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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