I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
