Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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