Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
