I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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