White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize