I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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