Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
