I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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