There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
