please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
