I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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