Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
