It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
