i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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