12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
