My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
