I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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