I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
