he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
