I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
