Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
