i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
