Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
