tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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