I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
