Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
