It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
