I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
