Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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