The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize