Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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