Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
