I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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