where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
