There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize