how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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