I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
