Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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