Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
