My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
