he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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