Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
