does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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