I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize