YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
