I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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