my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
