I hope mine doesn't look like that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
