I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
