I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
