I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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