I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize