What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
