even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
